I made some avatars out of my friends pictures! I was so bored yesterday so I asked them if I could just do it. Don't be alarmed if one day I creep on to your DA page and ask to make avatars out of your pictures!

I was bored during math class again, so I wrote some lame poems that I know aren't great, but I thought I'd write them here anyway. Man, why can't I get into math this semester? I'm just totally not feelin it. The teacher has started acting better, but I think I'm the one whose the problem. I know I have to go to visit the tutor...but I don't know. I'm just not motivated at all lately.

Factor
Factor the slacker
show up at my doorstep
and knock
knock with your knuckles
and cry
for I won't open
if you smile.
----------------------------------------
Luck
Perhaps the clover brings luck
with it's black magic
it's powerful heritage
the way it collects dew
always lurking behind her
like a child
it's luck has run out
oh it clings to it's mother
tears everywhere
luck is gone
bad luck
there will be no tragedy
the luck sleeps
wake it up
Lucky.

I was doing some self analysis today while I was sitting in my psychology class. We were learning about child development and parenting styles, and it had been scientifically proven that if someone had a good relationship with their parent during infancy, then it would affect the way they would develop romantic relationships in the future. I figured out that must be my problem. I have been told that I did not have a very good relationship when I was an infant. I was a very difficult child and wouldn't allow anyone to hold me and I would push myself away from my own mother and cry all the time and I never slept or participated with anyone at all. I think that this may also have something to do with the way I interact with people in real life. I do think I am a pretty difficult person at times. And, when I hear stories of my youth, I can easily relate it to the character that I am now. I can be social when I want to be, but most of the time, I am depressed, not social at all and I hate the majority of most people. Go figure since most people these days tend to be idiots anyway. I hate idiots so fuckin much. You have no idea. I dunno, I just thought it was pretty interesting and I wanted to raise my hand like all the other people were doing, but I didn't feel like talking about all of this in front of all those people.

I also had a VERY bizarre dream about math and time last night. I had a dream that time was turned backwards. Instead of the time going from 4,5,6...etc time would go back like 4,3,2,1...etc. And we would read time in polynomial factored form, so that in order to read the time, 6 o clock it would be displayed like (x+6)(x-6)(x+6)(x-6) and so forth. I don't know why it was in that order to be honest, but I woke up in the morning and felt VERY refreshed and energized like I had just had one of the greatest sleeps on my entire life.

Etiquetas: boys, sketch

♦I have a hole in my backpack that I refuse to fix right now. I know that I have to do it, but I'm too lazy and don't really want to. I just wish someone would do it for me to be honest
♦Someone at work basically said that everyone else at my job was gorgeous and good looking, but then I asked about me and all they said was "You've got 'something'" and then they added, "you're "alright". Talk about a downer, man. That comment made me feel horrible.
♦I did HORRIBLY on my math test. I thought I had studied so hard and then when it was in front of me and I was halfway through the test, I could feel the fuckin tears welling up in my eyes and I wanted to give up SO bad. I felt like crumpling the paper and kicking the desk, and I was almost going to do it, but I just suffered throughout it and tried as best as I could. I'm going to fail my math class and I feel like shit.
♦ and the cool guy just saw me on deviantart commenting on an anime picture. I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm such a loser now.

Like my shoes?

If it's not one thing it's a fuckinnother. I don't know what I came down with, but it all started on Sunday night when I went to bed feeling nauseous. I woke up the next morning to go to school and I was feeling even more nauseous. I have felt that way before and it has gone away, so I didn't really think much of it. However, as the day progressed, my stomach started hurting VERY very bad. It was hurting me so bad that I couldn't even sit up anymore, and I could barely even stand! I thought that maybe I was too hungry, but even after I ate, it was still horrible, and then a few hours after I had eaten dinner, I came down with a fever. The fever lasted me for about 3 days in a row, the highest reaching 103 degrees. I went to the doctor, but she didn't really tell me anything. She just told me it was food poisoning, but I haven't been vomiting or anything. I just had really bad diarrhea and I was out of work for nearly a whole week.

I managed to go yesterday because I thought I was feeling fine, but then lo and behold, It all fuckin came back to me again. It was horrible, I thought I was going to die, and it's hard to talk about this with people because I don't like sounding like some stupid, fuckin whiny ass bitch who gets sick all the time and can't even be a man about it and go to work like a normal fuckin human being. SHIT. I don't even know where to begin with my frustrations with myself at the moment, all I know is me being stressed isn't helping the problem either. I have this stupid fuckin math test on Monday and I have to do this test for Psychology over the weekend, but whenever I try to read the textbook, my mind gets all befuddled and the words turn into MUSH.

I love my best friend.
there. that's something positive.

Here are some muro doodles that my friend saawaa and I did on Deviantart. I know they may seem pointless, but that's only because one does not understand! We're getting married and that's all there is to it. I did the drawing on the left, and she did the drawing on right in case anyone was curious.

Etiquetas: sketch

New layout has just arrived! I like this one a lot better to tell you the truth. It seems more like home...or at least the kind of home I would like to have one day. As cheesy as that sounds... Anyway, have had a dull toothache in my back molar for about 5 days and I really don't know what the cause of it is. I brush my teeth a lot...well sometimes I don't brush it twice a day and I have been eating a lot of sweets lately, so that might be it I suppose. I think my teeth also started to get more sensitive after I started eating ice. I mean, I don't really chew on it because I am scared of what it can do as damage, so I just suck on it, but perhaps the cold has some effect on the tooth. I dunno, sensitivity? Anyway, I just hope it goes away soon because I don't have money to go to the dentist and I remember one time a tiny chip fell off my tooth and that's where the pain has been. There doesn't seem to be an infection, but every now and then it hurts from where it fell off. I think there was too much plaque on it that day or something... and it was a build up because I remember when I was younger the dentists would always tell me not to forget to brush that part. I am going to try not to worry about it.

Etiquetas: boy, original, Stetson

I watched Brokeback Mountain last night, and I just can't stop thinking about it. I don't know how to put my feelings into words about that movie, but I feel an overwhelming sense of depression and sadness whenever I focus on it again. I loved it, it was a great movie, but it was so damn sad. I love sad movies the most though, it is a great release from the happy endings we are always so used to seeing in the cinema and what not. But anyway, Brokeback Mountain was so beautiful, and Jake Gyllenhaal was so freakin hot, but it makes me sad to know that even from 1963, not much has changed when it comes to the gay community. Sure, there are more gay rights and some people are more open, but in states such as Wyoming and such, there is still so much hatred. Why, just the other day, my friend got beaten up while he was walking downtown with his boyfriend. He came to work with an enormous black eye, scratches and dried blood all over his face and an expression of sadness. They had to send him home because he couldn't work like that, but everyone knew the reason he got beat up for it was for being gay. When I saw him, I got scared and sad. The street he walked down was the same street I walk down every single night and I knew they probably wouldn't beat me up personally, but the fact that such evil occurred there made me sick to my stomach.

I also had a dream about my math teacher from last term. I don't know why I always think about him, but in my dream I wanted to ask him for help on my homework and for some reason I was crying a lot, and when I went up to him to ask for help, he rejected me and said he didn't have any time to help me. It was very depressing.

Etiquetas: boy